Keane is an English band that is not ashamed to offer writing skills to the elite pop crew in the States. They have schlepped out songs to Gwen Stefani and The Pussycat Dolls, but there is a prerequisite to someone taking their work and paying them for it. The person buying the song has to have talent.

As you can imagine, when Britney came knocking at their door they bolted that sucker as quickly as they could. No sense in telling the crackling pop hag that she doesn’t have what it takes to win their music.

The best part of this is that Keane refused to write a song for Britney because retaining their dignity was more important than taking her money.

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Britney promised to be at her latest dance auditions, but sadly she was a no-show. This was to be expected, but even with her missing the crowd filed in and showed their very best dance moves. Man, these guys were so good that Britney is going to be glad that she’s single! I think she will especially like the guy who is able to lift his leg over his head. You know what they say about those guys who are limber…

TMZ had a chance to film the very best of the best when it came to bumping and grinding. Of course, with this group it was more jiggling and offbeat flailing, but hey…you gotta take what you can get. Rome wasn’t built in a day and Britney’s career won’t be either. Hell, who am I kidding? Noah could show up on his arc, take us all for a trip around the world…twice, and when we got back this bitch still wouldn’t be ready to get back on a stage.

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“Hi Mr. Rwandan, are you hungry? Me, too. Please ignore me while I pull out this Twix and eat it in front of you. If you want to get in that line over there, I am sure someone more qualified than me will feed and water you. It’s time for me to pose for Hershey!”

While it’s true that she hasn’t said the above statement yet, it’s possible that it’s only because she hasn’t been to Rwanda yet. She’s going though. If we are lucky her luggage and body will get lost on the trip and the world with Paris as we know it will become a better place, because she will be gone.

Newsweek did a story on Paris and all the good the…Hilton (as I now refuse to call her anything that resembles a celebrity) is planning to do for the world thanks to her popularity.

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There really should be a rule that if you’re going to go to rehab for two months that you have to try and at least spend…two weeks sober. Unfortunately, when it’s Friday night on the outside and you’re in Utah what else are you gonna do than get blitzing drunk at the nearest bar?

If you’re from Utah you might have other alternatives, but apparently Lindsay Lohan couldn’t think of anything better to do.

E! News Says:

“According to some Utah locals, Lindsay was spotted at a Park City club Friday night. And despite her two-month stint in rehab, our bar witness thought Linds looked less than refreshed.”

This is nice speak for “the bitch was drunk off her…socks”…Yeah…that’s it.

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Its official, Britney Spears has been booked over three weeks after she was charged with two misdemeanors dealing with an August hit and run accident. Spears headed into the Van Nuys LA police station at close to 9:30 PM on Monday night to face the music and handle her business.

Sgt. Lopez told Us Magazine the process for what would happen when a booking comes in:

“She comes in and we put her information into computer, fingerprint her, lifescan and electronically scan hands and palms as well, and photograph her. She will be issued a release from custody citation, which tells her next court appearance.”

And what if Britney shows up in one of her famous wigs? “If a person is wearing a wig and it looks like she is trying to disguise herself we would ask her to take it off,” Lopez says. “But we will not ask people to remove extensions.”

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Considering anyone normal would only want to be Paris for Halloween now is your chance. A website, DressupAmerica.com is selling Paris Hilton costumes and they are smoking hot. The best thing of all is that these costumes are the real deal. As you can see from the picture they offer you the best of Paris wear from the comforting memories of her jailbird collection.

The costume is not only affordable it comes with a long blonde wig. The sad thing is that the wig isn’t al high quality one, so your head might really make you look like you’re Britney Spears. Either way, you will be hot this Halloween whether you are Britney or Paris. You will be looking self-absorbed and ready for parole in no time.

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